(Mostly) Fabricated Items of Interest Concerning Dear Leader USA
Source: Three separate disgruntled White House employees.
November 9 Memo from outgoing White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows to:
Chris Liddell, Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy Coordination.
Tony Ornato, Deputy Chief of Staff for Operations.
Dan Scavino, Deputy Chief of Staff for Communications.
Source: Fantasy Island Facebook page, clerk on duty.
On November 7, shortly before Fox News had declared President-elect Joe Biden the victor over President-reject Donald Trump, Trump consigliere Rudy Giuliani held a press conference in the parking lot of Four Seasons Total Landscaping in north Philly, apparently believing he had booked a hotel with a similar name.
The Four Seasons hotel responded awfully quickly.
Joined by woman-manhandler Corey Lewandowski and bribe-aficionado Pam Bondi, the once admired long former mayor of New York was rambling when he was informed by reporters that the networks had called the race for Biden. “All the networks?! Wow!” Mr. Giuliani said sarcastically, sprinkling some truth into the proceedings.
Much of the social media focus was not on what Mr. Giuliani blathered lies about, but on the colorful setting, which included the Delaware Valley Cremation Center across the street, and just next door, Fantasy Island Adult Books.
Fantasy Island, in the throes of a major DILDO MADNESS promotion, sprang into action to take advantage of the publicity windfall, updating their Facebook page to promote an item from Mr. Trump’s long forgotten foray into the adult novelty business.
The store was offering a 50% discount on The Emperor, based on a plaster casting of Trump himself. This was hardly a bargain given the item’s suggested retail price of $10,000.
T-File visited the store to get a look at this rare item only to be told the whole stock had been sold to a Russian collector. However, the teenage clerk behind the counter, who identified himself as Jeremy Blowjob, did direct us to a framed business card on a wall with signed photos of a surprising number of Philly notables.
02.14.2018
Source: Anonymous Austrian Tourist
Source: Employee of the Bureau of Records and Statistics in the borough of Queens, the City of New York, via the Federal Bureau of Investigation, the Southern District of New York.
On October 15, 2016, Timothy Thomas Talbott, 96, fell to his death from the front porch of his home in Masspeth, Queens. Mr. Talbott had been an employee of the NYC Department of Health from 1939 until his retirement in 1984. Among his possessions was a sealed plastic bag taped inside a toilet tank. It contained 38 state-mandated physician reports of venereal disease in prominent New York socialites dating back to 1942, and the original paper record of the birth of one Donald John Doe on June 14, 1946, which bore a number of similarities to the document above, including the certificate number. (Shown below)
Pursuant to a federal search warrant, in March 2017 authorities discovered a false wall in the Mr. Talbott’s basement hiding a crawl space that contained nearly $4,000 in crumpled bills, a keepsake album with several dozen pairs of carefully pressed women’s undergarments, and $250,000 in chips from the Trump Plaza Casino, now worthless. The investigation was shelved shortly thereafter.
Update: On August 12, 2020, John C. Eastman, a prominent conservative legal scholar, argued in a Newsweek column that Kamala Harris was not eligible to run for Vice President since her parents were not naturalized citizens at the time of her birth in Oakland, CA.
Many other legal scholars dismissed Mr. Eastman’s argument, calling it “truly silly,” “Worse than nonsense,” and “garbage.” Asked about it two days later, Mr. Trump responded, “I heard it today that she doesn’t meet the requirements,” adding “It’s very serious.”
Update 2: On January 5, 2024, Mr. Trump reposted a story on the Gateway pundit, claiming that Nikki