Trump Toilet Bombshell!

“In our private chat with only Members, several are saying the only way to save our Republic is for Trump to call for Marshall law”— text from Marjorie Taylor-Greene (R-Arkham) to Trump Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, January 17, 2021.

Sources: Washington Post, Deep State.

Updated 08.12.22, with evidence from FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago on 08.08.22

Shortly after midnight on January 18,  Egil “Bud” Krogh was called to the White House to deal with a clogged toilet in the residence. Fearing the worse, he brought three extra pairs of hazmat gloves and his 3M 7000 Full-Face Respirator, designed for  “chemical and biohazard environments.”

In addition to the expected rock-solid yet surprisingly mephitic mass, Krogh discovered what he first thought was a large clump of toilet tissue but which turned out to be a crumpled sheet of White House stationery. 

The wadded document was confiscated by a White House aide present for just such an eventuality, sealed in an evidence bag and sent  to the National Archives and Records Administration. There archivists carefully decontaminated (1), rinsed and dried the paper, which was determined to be on the president’s letterhead but was otherwise illegible.

Using an AI-driven system developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (darpa),  they were able to reconstruct the document, revealed to be notes in President Trump’s handwriting weighing the pros and cons of declaring martial law, as had been urged by Congresswoman Taylor-Greene the previous day.

Trump either decided against or forgot about the plan, and it does not appear he took any of the actions listed, at least to date.

(1) Analysis of the feces showed an extraordinarily high sulfur content well out of the range for a human or any mammal. 

UPDATE: On August 8, 2022, the FBI raided Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence and recovered 11 sets of classified material and presidential records, including one box containing an Admiral’s hat.